The Becoming
by MarshalZhukov
Summary: Seiko leaves home to start a new life in a new city. Will she be able to become that which she knows in her heart to be her true self, or will familiarity pull her back home. Rated for subject matter and some language. May go up in later chapters
1. A Fresh Start

**Author's Note: Welcome to a much delayed new story. The Collective received a review regarding an earlier Lovely Complex fan fic encouraging us to expand upon the basic premise. A new Directive from the Bureau of Story Planning was issued and production of this fan fiction began immediately.**

A Fresh Start

She could barely contain her excitement. The large manila envelope stuffed full of all her hopes and dreams lay on the dining table. The English writing on the address label told her everything she needed to know. Her wish to attend university in the United States had been granted. All the effort and hard work had paid good dividends.

"Aren't you going to open it, Seishiro?" a husky voice asked.

"I've asked you to call me Seiko, dad," the girl responded in exasperation.

"Your name's Seishiro," the senior Kotobuki stated tersely. "I wish you'd accept that."

"I wish _you_ would accept that I'm not anyone who should have that boy's name," Seiko huffed.

"Now now," Mrs. Kotobuki interjected calmly. "Sei-chan, why don't you open your package. I'm sure you're anxious to find out what the Americans have to say."

Seiko smiled at her mom. At least Sei-chan was far and away better than Seishiro.

"I'm not sure how I feel about this," Mr. Kotobuki sighed. "Bad enough you're runnin' around pretendin' to be a girl here at home. Now foreigners are going to get the wrong impression too."

"For the last time, pop," Seiko replied irritably. "I'm not pretending to be anything. I _am_ a girl. Just the way God made me."

Seiko's father let one last sigh escape his lips before standing and moving into the kitchen. Retrieving a cold beer from the reefer, he walked into the sitting room and switched on the TV. Presently laughter wafted into the dining area.

"He must be watchin' All Hanshin Kyoujin ," Seiko remarked.

"Your father's having a hard time accepting that his only son-"

Seiko fixed a withering glare on her mom.

"Sorry, dear," she corrected. "Only _child_ is living up to her own expectations, not his."

Seiko's gaze softened immediately. She toyed with the envelope some more before picking up a butter knife and slicing the flap open.

A student life handbook and a folder containing numerous sheets of colored paper glided into Seiko's hands. Carefully, she set the folder onto the table and shook the envelope. A loose sheet of paper bearing the seal of the California State University at Long Beach fluttered onto the wood table top.

_Welcome to California State University, Long Beach, Miss Kotobuki._

Seiko smiled as her mom looked over her shoulder.

"Miss?"

"I convinced the lady in Admissions to change that," Seiko grinned mischievously.

"Oh, sweetheart," Mrs. Kotobuki cautioned. "Don't get caught in a lie."

"But it's not a lie," Seiko pouted. "I am a Miss Kotobuki."

"What will you do when you have to take a physical exam?"

"I don't think they do that in American universities, mom."

Mrs. Kotobuki raised an eyebrow. "What about baths? The other students are going to find out as soon as you're naked."

Seiko smiled triumphantly. "Private bathing in the dorms. No one will know."

Mrs. Kotobuki sighed in resignation. Seiko could be a very strong willed girl. She had to be in order to persevere in her gender presentation, especially in a conservative country like Japan.

"I worry about you, Sei-chan. I just want you to be safe."

Seiko smiled warmly. "No one knows who I am over there and I pass pretty well."

Unconvinced, Mrs. Kotobuki regarded her child with mild apprehension.

"I promise to be extra careful," Seiko answered her mother's unspoken concern. "That's part of the reason I chose this school."

Mrs. Kotobuki cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I did my research," Seiko explained. "Not only to they have a top notch nursing school, but the city of Long Beach itself is a very tolerant place. People like me can make a home for themselves there and no one bothers us."

Still unconvinced, Mrs. Kotobuki picked the letter up and continued reading aloud.

_We are proud and honored to offer you a place at the university and wish you all the best on your journey into the future. On behalf of all faculty and staff, please allow me to extend our greetings to you. As a student from abroad, I am sure you will have many questions. Within the envelope, you will find valuable information regarding acclimatization, settling into your classes and hints on making new friends and acquaintances. The Student Handbook, also included, contains further information regarding clubs, sports events and teams along with school activities and all the resources available on and off campus to make your stay away from home as comfortable as possible._

_We look forward to your arrival. Please note the important calendar dates. Incoming Freshmen are strongly encouraged to attend the matriculation seminar one week prior to the start of Fall Term to familiarize themselves with the campus and some of the faculty and staff._

_Once again, Miss Kotobuki, congratulations on your acceptance into CSU Long Beach, and good luck.__  
><em>_Office of F. King Alexander__  
><em>_CSULB President_

Seiko bounced in her chair at the thought of finally being on her own and becoming the person she knew in her heart she was.


	2. Welcome to the US

**Author's note:** **Sorry for the delay in updates, I hit a bit of a slump. Fortunately, I had the kind help of another Author, Simon James. Now, before we get too far into this tale of love, mistaken identities and serious faux pas, allow me to make a few points clear. First, this story is a work of complete fiction. Second, I do not own any aspect of Lovely Complex, the characters therein or anything of the sort. Third, while the places within are, for the most part real, I have taken my liberties with them to suit my purpose. Also be aware that this story makes gratuitous use of large, ostentatious and obscure words. In short, this whole tale is a miserable lie and contains nothing resembling the truth. With that in mind, please enjoy.**

Seiko stepped off the plane at Tom Bradley Terminal at Los Angeles International Airport. Reluctantly, she had pulled her hair into a tight pony tail and wore no make-up. At her father's insistence, her clothing could, at best, be considered gender neutral.

"Welcome to the United States of America," the TSA gerbil intoned flatly from behind the bullet proof glass. "Have you anything to declare?"

Biting her tongue, Seiko summoned all her will power to resist the urge to declare American airport security laughable and over the top paranoid. Instead she shook her head solemnly and handed over her passport and student visa. The agent took the passport and casually compared the photo (not a very good one, either) to the young student on the other side of the glass.

"What is the purpose of your visit to the United States, Mr Kotobuki?"

Seiko winced at the use of the male title. _You've got to be kidding me,_ she thought. _I just handed you my student visa. _"I am a Japanese student studying abroad in America."

The agent looked Seiko over again, compared the photo once more before stamping it with the requisite stamp.

"Please take your luggage to the search area and await the agent," The gerbil responded with a bored tone. Seiko summoned her will power once more and smiled before bowing slightly. The process was repeated twice more for the parents struggling under the weight of luggage.

Her parents in tow, Seiko took her suitcase in hand while papa slung a massive duffel uncomfortably over his shoulders.

"Criminy, Seishiro, what the hell have you got in here?"

"Sei-_ko_!" Seiko hissed at her father. "I am tired of having to remind you."

Mr Kotobuki rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You know, we could have shipped most of this stuff."

"Now, dear," Mrs. Kotobuki interjected. "Sei-chan is going to need most of this to get settled in right away. A girl needs her important things on hand right away."

A satisfied look crossed Seiko's face at the first instance of a parent using the correct gender references.

A second TSA agent met the Kotobuki family at the luggage check station. Each item was thoroughly inspected and eyebrows raised at the incongruousness of an androgynous youngster with suitcases full of girly things.

"Is something amiss, sir," Seiko, using her most girlish voice, asked in English.

Shaken slightly, the agent replied, "no, miss. Everything seems to be in order. Welcome to the United States."

"Thank you," Mr. Kotobuki thanked the agent. "Let's go everyone."

The Kotobuki family stood on the curb outside the terminal and watched the bustle of traffic as it flowed past. Mr. Kotobuki hailed a cab.

"Where to?" the cabbie asked in a thick Indian accent.

Struggling with both the map and his English, Mr. Kotobuki replied "OOn-ee-on Stay-shun"

Thinking a moment, the cabbie corrected, "Union Station?"

"Yes," Seiko said. "Union Station."

"Are you sure about this Sei-chan?" Mrs. Kotobuki asked in Japanese. "I always understood that Los Angeles had no metro transit."

"I looked it up," Seiko replied. "There is a train that goes from Union Station to Long Beach. We will have to make a couple of transfers –"

"With all this luggage, Seishiro –"

"Sei-ko!" Seiko practically yelled. The cabbie raised an eyebrow at the row in the back seat. "We make a couple of transfers and we're there."

"Or, I pay the man to take us to the university," Mr. Kotobuki offered. "I'm not exactly poor, y'know."

The family sat and contemplated the offer.

"Can you drive us to Long Beach?" Seiko asked the cabbie in English.

"I can drive you anywhere you wish to go," he replied with a smile. "You wish to see the Queen Mary?"

"No, thank you," Seiko waved off. "I start school at the university in Long Beach. Can you take us there?"

"Without a doubt," the cabbie offered. "Where on the campus do you need to go?"

Seiko consulted her schedule and told the driver where to go.

Anyone who has had the misfortune to crawl along Interstate 405 (known locally as the San Diego freeway) during rush hour traffic (known locally as anytime between 4am Monday morning and 10pm Friday night) will appreciate the uncomfortable feeling the Kotobuki family experienced on the drive from LAX to Long Beach. As miserable as the heat and smog were, the driver chose to avoid the slightly faster though much longer route along I-105 to I-710 and thus miss all the airport traffic headed east.

Seiko rolled the window down to try and get some fresh air. As she did, a low-rider filled with less than savory characters pulled alongside.

"Yo, homie. Check out the chica in the cab."

Both men turned to find Seiko staring at them with undisguised curiosity. She smiled at the two men who returned the kindness.

"Where you off to, cutie?" The driver asked. His passenger struggled for a better look at Seiko.

"I'm going to Long Beach," Seiko responded casually.

"Sei-chan," mom interrupted in Japanese. "It's not a good idea to tell strange men where you are going."

"Don't worry, mama," Seiko re-assured her mother. "I'm not telling them everything. I'm just trying to be polite."

In the low-rider, a small disagreement broke out among the two men.

"I'm not sure that's a woman, homes," the passenger remarked.

"Of course it is, ese." the driver maintained. "Lookit the face. That's a chica's face."

The passenger made no attempt to hide the fact that he stared at Seiko as she chatted with her mother.

"I dunno, brah. Seems kinda...flat, y'no?"

"Dood, these Asian chicks are _all_ flat," The driver pointed out. "You watch too much of those Japanese cartoons, man."

"Anime," the passenger corrected.

"Whatever, man," the driver replied. "Point is, in real life, Asian girls aren't anywhere near as stacked as in your cartoons. So, I'm telling you, that's a chica in that cab."

Both men turned to find Seiko staring right back at them. "Where are _you_ going?"

"To the beach, chica," the driver smiled. "I got some partners who own a house in El Segundo. Wanna come?"

"I don't know who you are," Seiko demurred. "I don't even know your names."

The driver smiled warmly as he pulled forward to keep pace with the cab. "My name is César and this is my homeboy Eduardo. He likes everyone to call him Ed."

Ed waved at Seiko who returned the gesture. "My name is Seiko."

"Sei-chan!"

Seiko turned to face her mother once again. "I will not have you talking to strange men driving such...vehicles."

"They seem nice, mama," Seiko protested. "Besides, they treat me like a girl."

"And how will that change once they find out your little secret?" mom responded sternly.

Chastened, Seiko fell quiet. The two men in the next vehicle tried vainly to gain her attention, but gave up shortly thereafter. Their exit ended the conversation.

The remainder of the long drive was spent in silence as Seiko stared glumly out the window at the parade of humanity along the freeway. Mom and dad spoke quietly among themselves while the cabbie amused himself with his iPod.

The sun sank low to the west when the family reached Long Beach State. The cabbie gladly helped with the luggage to the second floor of Seiko's dorm building. Seiko smiled at long last as she gazed out over the landscaping leading toward the Administration Building.

"Sei-chan," mom broke the reverie. "Papa and I are headed over to the hotel now. You wanna come along for dinner?"

Seiko thought for a moment before responding. "I think I will stay here tonight. Get used to the surroundings a bit. I can get something to eat later."

Mom smiled and hugged her little girl. "We'll be back first thing tomorrow morning. Take care of yourself."

"I will, mama. Good night, papa. Pleasant dreams."

Dad screwed his face slightly but softened his expression. "Good night Seish...Sei-ko."

Seiko wrapped her arms around her father and squeezed tightly.

"Thank you, papa," she whispered into his ear while choking back a tear. "I love you."

**A/N: By now, you, dear reader, are wondering why I bothered with all this nonsense about routes and freeways and traffic. To give our non-native readers an idea of the environment into which our heroine finds herself, it is incumbent upon the Author to describe the nature of Southern California traffic.**


	3. Settling In

Seiko sat on her bed. Around her, all her worldly possessions stuffed into a duffel and two suitcases. Her backpack lay on the desk she had staked out upon arrival. She glanced to the dorm room door every five seconds in anticipation of her new roommate. What would the girl think of Seiko? Would she be friendly? Tolerant? Or would this American make Seiko's life a living hell?

Not without trying, but Seiko was informed that the Freshmen dorms were not single occupancy. The best they could do was a double arrangement with someone the university assured Seiko would be understanding of her "situation". Seiko shifted uneasily on her bed. It had taken all of her willpower and persuasion to even let her into the Girl's dorms in the first place. Long Beach prided itself on its progressive way of thinking, but there were still conventions that attended the assigning of rooms and roommates. By all rights, the Housing Authority should have placed Seiko in the Boy's dorms, but Seiko had politely suggested that she would take her educational opportunities elsewhere if such were the case.

The door opened and a tall, yet unassuming young, olive skinned woman entered the room, followed shortly thereafter by people Seiko assumed to be the girls' parents. Seiko smiled nervously as she stood and bowed politely.

"Kon ni- "Seiko caught herself before switching to English. "Excuse me. Good Afternoon, my name is Seiko Kotobuki."

The girl smiled broadly in return. "Filicia Guzman. Pleased ta meecha."

Seiko cocked her head at the loose pronunciation. She decided to go along with what she assumed to be a greeting and took Filicia's hand. Filicia looked about the room.

"I see you took the bed by the window," she observed.

Seiko nodded politely. "I can change if the arrangement does not suit your needs."

"It's all good, mija." Filicia smiled warmly. "You got here first, so you get first dibs."

Seiko again stood confused. "Mee-ha? Dibs?"

Filicia choked back a chuckle. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"I am from Osaka," Seiko stated with a hint of pride. "I just graduated from Meido Academy and chose to study abroad."

"Oh, this is going to be a fun semester," Filicia grinned good-naturedly. "No worries, I'll take good care a ya." The camaraderie was abruptly broken by a sharp cough.

"Ai, where are my manners?" Filicia smacked the side of her head. "Allow me to introduce my mom and papa."

Seiko bowed to them and proffered her hand in greeting. "I am Seiko Kotobuki. Please regard me favorably."

"A pleasure," Mr. Guzman replied. "I hope you enjoy your stay in the States."

Seiko smiled politely. Mrs. Guzman stepped forward and offered her hand. "If there is anything we can do, mija, let Filicia know."

Seiko blushed at the offer. "Thank you. I will try and remain out of the way."

"Where're your parents?" Filicia asked. "You didn't come all this way alone, didja?"

"Ah, no." Seiko replied. "My parents are currently at the hotel. It was a long flight and they are very tired."

"You gonna stop by later?" Filicia asked. "I can show you the buses to take."

"That would be greatly appreciated," Seiko said. "I thank you."

* * *

><p>The Guzmans returned to their home and left the girls to their fun. Seiko and Filicia spent the remainder of the afternoon acquainting themselves to the university, the campus and each other.<p>

"Is it true?" Filicia murmured on their way back from the Dining Commons.

"Is what true?" Seiko cautiously replied.

"That you're, y'no…" Filicia trailed off.

"That I'm what?"

"Like me?"

Seiko could not answer. "I'm Japanese," she ventured to say.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Seiko pressed. "My English is acceptable, but I am not prepared to play word games."

Filicia swallowed hard before slowing to a stop. Seiko turned to face her roommate. Filicia looked Seiko dead in the eye and drew a fateful breath.

"That you were a boy like me?"


	4. Questions

Seiko sat on her bed, staring at her new roommate. Filicia, for her part, would glance in Seiko's direction from time to time to see the un-remitting stare.

"If you got something to say," Filicia finally broke down. "You tell me straight to my face."

Immediately, Seiko became aware of her unseemly and very rude behavior. "I am so sorry."

Filicia huffed softly as she went about finishing her unpacking. Seiko stood and offered to help with a broad smile. Filicia's expression softened as the two went about their tasks.

"I thought you were pissed about something," Filicia admitted.

"Pissed?" Seiko cocked her head. "If that means angry or upset, no I was not. I was only surprised to meet so soon another – person – like myself."

Filicia smiled warmly. "Get used to it, girl. Lots of us here."

"As I was hoping," Seiko nodded. "Ano, may I ask a rather intrusive question?"

Filicia stopped what she was doing and plunked onto her mattress. "We're going to be livin' together a while, might as well."

"How have your parents..." Seiko though carefully about her choice of words.

"How are they handling me becoming a girl?"

Seiko chuckled softly. "Yes."

"My dad was rather reluctant at first, mom just cried," Filicia began. "My oldest brother won't have anything to do with me and all my sisters think it's just a big joke."

Seiko watched as Filicia struggled to choke back her tears. Unsure of the protocol in America regarding comforting others, she chose to err with caution and moved to join Filicia on her rack. Filicia grabbed Seiko's arm and pulled her into an embrace.

"They all laugh and say I'm stupid to want to be a girl," she cried. "They think I'm a big fake and still call me by my old name."

Seiko returned the hug and remained silent while Filicia aired her pain. This went on for some minutes while Seiko held Filicia close.

"Sorry, mija," Filicia sniffed. "I shouldn't have done that…not so soon after we just met."

"It is okay," Seiko comforted. "We will need each other, I think. The next few years will be…interesting"

Seiko contemplated the words and their meaning.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks passed in a blur. Seiko found herself almost out of her depth. Though her skills with English were competent and she had no troubles understanding the professors in class, the myriad of confusing dialects, speech patterns and slang were almost beyond belief. She had spent her time in Osaka in an English language cram school, tutored by a very proper English professor direct from London. His views on the language were taught as gospel and he would not tolerate any discussion about slang or colloquialisms.<p>

She felt most ill at ease among those like herself, the study abroad kids who also knew English as a second language. In this regard, she nearly envied Filicia and her seemingly seamless transitions from Spanish to English and back again.

"I grew up here in SoCal," she explained one afternoon as they met up in front of the library. "My family all speak Spanish at home, but we learned English at an early age. Papa made sure we could function in the whole country , not just in the 'hood."

Seiko cocked her head. "Hood? What do garments have to do with language?"

Filicia laughed in spite of herself. "My bad, mija. Hood is short slang for neighborhood."

"It would seem I am learning more this semester than just chemistry," Seiko conceded with a subdued laugh of her own.

"How is that going, by the way?" Filicia asked. "I can't imagine that's very easy and all."

Seiko mused a moment before answering. "To be honest, it's not very hard. In Japan, a lot of scientific terms were imported from Germany in the 19th century, so I already knew them before coming here."

"Interesting," Filicia smiled. "I got a nice history lesson just now. Thanks."

"I should thank you," Seiko demurred. "Without you, I think my life would have been that much harder."

* * *

><p>"I have something for you, mija," Filicia handed over a business card as Seiko sat at her desk. Seiko took a few moments from her studies to look the card over. Her eyes brightened as she realized what it really was.<p>

"Where is this place?"

"On the corner of Atherton and Bellflower," Filicia responded jovially. "They can take you in and won't charge a lot because you're a student."

Forgetting herself, Seiko flung herself into Filicia's arms and cried happily. Recovering quickly, Filicia smiled broadly. Gender therapy was now within reach.

"When do you want to go?" she asked, opening her cell.

"As soon as possible," Seiko replied happily.

Filicia made the appointment for Seiko the following Friday. The next big step to womanhood lay only a week and a half away.

* * *

><p>He phone chirped loudly as Seiko wandered the campus alone. In the six weeks she had this phone, only Filicia had called to to say she would visit with her parents and would not be home that weekend.<p>

Without bothering to look at the caller ID, Seiko flipped the receiver open.

"Haruka?" she yelped, gaining the attentions of other students as they passed by. "How did you get this number?"

"I got it from your mum," Haruka sang jovially. "Took some convincing and a school photo, but she gave it up all the same."

"Stupid question, but why are you calling me?"

"I got…lonely." Haruka admitted carefully. "Ever since Risa and the midget went off to university, there is no one left I really wanna talk to."

"What about Nakao-san or Suzuki-kun?"

"They're 'occupied'."

Seiko screwed her face at the cryptic reply. "What the hell does _that_ mean?"

"I called because I wanna talk to _you_," Haruka defended. "I was just curious what's going on over there in America."

Seiko huffed briefly before resuming her cheerful demeanor. "I can send you an e-mail."

Silence. Unusual for Haruka, especially when he felt he was being ignored.

"Haruka? Moshi - mo~sh!"

"I-I wanted to talk to you, not read words on a screen," he finally replied. "Even if it's just for a little bit."

Seiko took her turn in silence. What the hell was Haruka getting at? Was he making fun of her?

"Ano…" she hesitated slightly.

"Ah! I didn't mean like that!" Haruka quickly back tracked. "I just wanted to know how you were. Ah hahahahaha!"

Seiko stared at the handset for a few moments while Haruka laughed like an idiot.

"Aho-ya!" She teased. "Calling me up out of the blue like that."

"Risa was the only one to ever call me that," he admitted, clearing his throat.

"Um…sorry?"

"N-no, don't be," Haruka stuttered. "I just kinda – miss it – know what I mean?"

Seiko honestly had no idea. "I suppose," she fibbed.

Memories of her last year filled Seiko's vision. Times spent laughing, crying and just hanging out at Risa's café while the manager glowered at the unruly high schoolers. She could distinctly hear Risa's voice as she berated Astushi or Haruka for this or that minor inconvenience. She also recalled the incident in the school's infirmary…not her best confession.

"Seiko?"

Snapped from her reverie, Seiko quickly tried to change subjects. "What about you? It must be the middle of the night and here you are chatting me up half way 'round the world."

"I can't sleep," Haruka admitted. "Lonely, I guess."

"Huh?"

"I said I'm lonely."

"I heard that," Seiko growled "I was asking what you meant?"

"What do you mean, 'what do I mean'?"

"Nan iu ten nen!" Seiko huffed. "I'm asking what you meant when you said lonely. Ahoka omae?"

Further silence. Now she'd done it. She just insulted Haruka into hanging up. When no one else bothered to try and contact her, Haruka was the first…and so far, only…high school mate to do so.

"I miss the old gang," Haruka responded slowly. "I miss just hanging out, even if I had to deal with the dwarf."

"Oh," Seiko said. "I'm sorry for calling you stupid earlier."

"S'okay," Haruka replied calmly. "Risa called me far worse."

"You really miss her, don't you?"

"I guess, sometimes," Haruka danced. "Yes."

Seiko smiled to herself. _Thought so. I knew he couldn't be interested in someone like me_.

"But I miss you the most."


	5. Doubts

**Greetings all. The Marshal presents a short chapter and offers apologies on behalf of The State for the long delay in updates. Without further ado...**

Seiko sat on her rack and stared out the window. What did Haruka mean by "I miss you the most"? Was he having her for a laugh? Wouldn't be the first time, Seiko grimaced. He laughed at her when she was at her worst with the cold and continually harassed her during the beach party by flipping her bathing skirt. Even though her friends treated her with respect, they never honestly thought of her as a girl. It was disheartening to think that the closest any of them came was Risa's comment:

"No matter how I look at it, you look like a girl."

"Yoo hoo," the voice drifted across the years to bring Seiko to the present. Filicia stood by her bunk, watching Seiko look depressed.

Seiko fake smiled, but Filicia wasn't having any of it. "What's wrong, mija?"

"I just got a bit of a shock today, that's all," Seiko explained. "Someone I knew from high school called me on my phone."

Filicia invited herself to sit beside Seiko and took her in her arms. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"He said he missed me..."Seiko trailed off.

Filicia sat back at the revelation. "Who?"

Seiko stifled her tears, though a few managed to escape. "Haruka."

Filicia remained silent as Seiko cast her eyes to the floor.

"I take it this Haruka meant something to you?"

Seiko sat in deep thought for several minutes. "I am not sure. All he ever really wanted was to date my upperclassman, Koizumi-san. It seemed like my only function was to keep him away from her. He never took me seriously as a girl."

Filicia pondered this information while Seiko tried unsuccessfully to choke her tears back. The years of pent up emotion poured out as Seiko cried unabashedly into Filicia's shoulder. All her pain, frustration and hurt flooded in a torrent of hot tears and wails of lament. A few knocks on the door from the dorm Resident Adviser to confirm everything was alright brought both girls back to the present.

"Hi, Rachel," Filicia replied. "Seiko's just having a bad day."

"Anything I can help with?" the RA asked.

"I think she just needed a good cry," Filicia averred. "If anything comes up, we'll find you."

The RA smiled and took her leave. Filicia returned to Seiko's rack in time for the other girl to heave her last sobs before drying her eyes.

"I always seem to be crying around you," Seiko sniffed. "I apologize for taking such liberties."

"Hey hey hey," Filicia countered gently. "We're roomies. If we can be there for each other, what good are we?"

Seiko smiled at the counsel and wiped her tears onto the proffered tissue.

"Besides, you have an appointment this afternoon," Filicia reminded Seiko. "You don't want to be late, do ya?"

Seiko jumped to her feat and frantically check the clock on her phone. Noting the two hour lead time before she had to depart, Seiko calmed considerably and sat on her rack.

"Would you accompany me?" she asked. "I am really nervous."

"Absolutely," Filicia replied warmly. "I'll be with you all the way."

Seiko bowed deeply and thanked her roommate profusely.

* * *

><p>She met Filicia in the waiting room, a grand smile on her face. Not only had she impressed the counselor with her optimism and convictions, but she remained resolute in the face of cursory scrutiny. All that remained was one year of therapy, and the next stage – hormones – would be her prize. Filicia offered to provide the name of a pharmacist in Mexico who could provide the meds no questions asked, but Seiko politely declined, stating her intentions to carry out her transition the correct way.<p>

"Altering one's body chemistry is a dangerous thing to do alone," Seiko cautioned. "I want to be under the care of a trained physician."

Filicia considered this bit of information. "Too bad I don't have that luxury. It's either school or doctors. I can't swing both."

Seiko regarded her roommate with concern. "You should never compromise your health, nee-chan."

"At least I can die knowing I _am_ a girl," Filicia replied flatly.

Seiko continued her concern for Filicia. The walk back to the dorms carried out in awkward silence until Filicia cracked a broad smile.

"That one great wish has been fulfilled. Everything else is frosting."

Seiko perked up expectantly at the word frosting. "Ah, does that mean sweets after dinner?"

Filicia laughed heartily. "Oh, you betcha!"

* * *

><p>Seiko stared at her phone in disbelief. Haruka had sent not one, not two, but three texts in the few hours since he spoke to her.<p>

"I really miss you," Seiko spoke aloud as Filicia packed for the weekend at her parent's house

"Sorry to bother you, but please call me. I want to talk to you again."

Filicia slung her pack over her shoulder, checked her purse for ID and bus passes and double checked her make-up in the mirror.

"I have something important to tell you," Seiko finished. Filicia waved her farewells as Seiko flipped the phone shut. She stood and hugged Filicia good bye and wished a safe trip and speedy return.

With Filicia gone, Seiko retrieved Haruka's number from the memory and dialed.

"Hello?"

"What's so important you gotta bug me all afternoon?"

"Hello to you to, Seiko-chan," Haruka chuckled. Seiko rolled her eyes as the laughter fell off.

"Well?"

"What?"

"I'm waiting," Seiko huffed gently and not for the first time that day.

"For what?"

"Aho ya!" Seiko shouted into the receiver. "Seriously? You mail up a storm and now you play shy? I'm hanging up!"

"Wait!" Haruka cried over the line. "I really do have something important I wanna tell you."

"Then tell me," Seiko responded in exasperation. "I don't like playing these kinds of games. You should know that by now."

Haruka, well aware of Seiko's preferred method of greeting the boys she likes, took his shot in the dark

"I think I love you"


	6. Terms

"What do you mean, 'you think you love me'?" Seiko asked.

"Did I stutter?" Haruka said. "It means…I think I'm in love with you."

Seiko held the handset to stare at it intently. Was this some kind of joke as well? Haruka was certainly capable of some doozies, but this was just over the top.

"Hello?"

Seiko placed the receiver to her ear once more. "suman na, I thought I heard you make a really bad joke just now."

"He~eh?"

"I know I'm just a joke to you and to everyone," Seiko said, the sobs creeping into her voice. "I know I can't be a girl…at least not the girl you want, sempai, but please stop making fun of me."

"…."

Seiko cried silently to herself as she contemplated hanging up. "I have to go to class, sempai. Good bye."

"Wait!"

"What is it? I'm going to be late."

"I know I've been mean to you, Seiko-chan," Haruka said. "We all have, in our own way, I guess. There really is no way I can make that up to you. Please, you have to believe me when I tell you, I really feel that I'm in love with you."

"I'm going to class now, sempai," Seiko sobbed. She flipped the handset closed and buried her face in her hands.

* * *

><p>Her growling stomach alerted Seiko to the time. She glanced to the clock and realized she had missed class and dinner at the Commons.<p>

"Great," she muttered. "I guess I'll have to eat out tonight. Good thing my financial aid paid up yesterday."

She walked in a mild daze toward the student union building. She ordered her food at the chicken place and sat in the dining area. She ate quietly as she visually explored the space. A sign posted at one door caught her attention. It advertized an anime and manga club in one of the rooms. Glancing at her phone, Seiko realized she had a few minutes before it was about to start.

_Why not_, she thought to herself. _I could use the distraction._

* * *

><p>The young man at the front of the room approached Seiko as she entered.<p>

"Hi, I'm Nick, the club president," he said, a smile on his face. "My vice president, Tony, is running around somewhere."

"Seiko," Seiko said, bowing slightly. "Do you mind if I check you guys out?"

"Oh, please," Nick said. "We welcome everyone here."

"Are there any dues or memberships to fill out?"

"We're not that formal," Nick replied. "Just come and hang out, introduce yourself to people and have fun. We are going to get started soon, so have a seat if you want."

"Thank you," Seiko said, smiling. She wandered among the rows of chairs until she spied an empty seat.

"Hello," said the young man sitting next to her. "I'm Robert."

Seiko fixated on his bright red hair and very tall frame. "Uwah! Sorry! My name is Seiko. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," Robert said.

"Oi, listen up!" Nick called to the audience. "I just found this on line. Das L33t!"

He grabbed his ankle in one hand, his neck with the other and proceeded to chicken strut across the front of the room. Seiko laughed so hard, she fell out of her chair.

* * *

><p>Seiko came back to the dorm the happiest she had been in days. No one in the anime club doubted for a moment she was who she said she was. The group was polite and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say on various maters. Her reverie was broken by the insistent buzzing of her phone.<p>

_Haruka_, she scowled and switched the phone off. _I won't let him ruin my evening. Not tonight._

* * *

><p>She sat at her desk and stared out the window before she switched on her laptop. <em>With Filicia gone, now is a good time to get homework out of the way.<em>

Her e-mail inbox pinged. She clicked it open and found several messages; all from Haruka, all with "I'm Sorry" in the subject line. Seiko felt her eyebrow twitch as she contemplated trashing the lot of them.

"Oh, what the hell," she said aloud and opened the first message.

'Seiko chan. I know there is now way I can ever make up for everything I did and said in high school. Looking back, it was plain stupid and unfair to you. I could fall back on cultural expectations…'

_Cultural expectations? _Seiko thought. _What are they _teaching_ you at the university of yours, sempai? _

'…cultural expectations and say it was social pressure, but that would just be cowardly. It was me. I was the one who buckled and set on you as an easy target. You alone had the courage to be yourself and I just didn't know what to do about it. Can you forgive me?'

Seiko sat back in her chair. _You've grown up, sempai._

The remaining e-mails contained similar content with variations on the theme. Seiko flexed her fingers and opened her reply box.

'Haruka-sempai. I read your e-mails explaining yourself. While it hurts – a lot – that you teased me and made fun of me – especially in public – I will accept your apology. I was jealous of you, of everyone, especially Risa-sempai. I was jealous of the attention you gave to her, and that it was so different from what you gave to me. I am happy here, I get to be myself, I get to be a girl here and that makes it worth the effort. I have to be certain of myself before I can accept your feelings. On the same note, are you absolutely sure you care for me as you say you do? It's one thing to confess, quite another to carry through.'

Seiko arched her back in a stretch. Her mouse hovered over the send button as she contemplated whether Haruka loved her as a girlfriend or just a good friend.

Click.

_No going back now_, she thought as the mail sent notification popped up.


End file.
